Great piece! As a former DINK-turned-mother, I can say one of the most baffling things to DINKs is the idea that a parent actively WANTS to spend time with their kids. And I understand why. All they see is the stress and the constraints. They assume their life is the pinnacle of human existence and children “rob” that from their parents. But they do not know that indescribable and soul-shaking bond with the miracle of life that somehow grew inside you (or your partner). When I was a DINK I used to scoff at the idea that my parent-friends didn’t want to leave their kids behind for vacation or chose to skip the same old happy hour to snuggle with the kids after work before their bedtime. Now, my childless friends also roll their eyes at me when I say, sorry, I cannot go on a 10-day trip without my kids. But they don’t know the awe of seeing chubby little hands grasp your finger at dusk or the feeling when those disproportionately large eyeballs look deep into yours. I can always go back to boozy brunches once they get older. But those moments are precious.
I love kids, I work with them and I plan to hopefully have some. While I’ve been happy to make the switch to see my friends at child-friendly venues like parks and playgrounds, I also don’t think I’m obliged to make everything I do child-friendly. I don’t think a ‘boozy brunch’ is usually an appropriate venue for kids (at least not the brunches I’m thinking of).
As long as you’re polite and you make the effort to be the village at other times, I think it’s understandable. It can also be lonely on the other side as well, when your friends with kids are meeting up/bonding and you can’t access that.
Thank you for stating this distinction. I also think the author assumes the social isolation and stigma doesn’t go both ways, which it does. Many women in circles where all their friends are becoming parents find themselves very isolated if they choose to stay childfree, or want to have fun at an event which isn’t appropriate for children. I’ve also seen stories of childfree people being part of that village when their parent-friends needed help, but never getting the same assistance or concern from parents they’ve helped.
I appreciate you both engaging thoughtfully with what I wrote. I'm currently the only childless woman in my friend group so I would never want to make the case that it isn't isolating on the other side - that would be dismissing my own experience.
I also don't think every place should be childfree. I've had my share of boozy brunches where kids shouldn't be, but my point is that deciding where kids should be is a parental decision. I thought I put that in the piece but must have edited it out. Thank you for making the distinction
I don’t think it should always be a parental decision. I think children should be welcome in public spaces and on transportation but private establishments or events should be free to place age restrictions as they want. Not all parents are responsible, and unfortunately it’s the irresponsible ones who necessitate child-free spaces in the first place. I can be denied entry into a bar if I forget my ID even if I don’t have any intention of drinking. I’m well over 21 and it’s not illegal to be inside, but the bar has the right to not want to card everyone when they order so they do it at the door. Likewise, a restaurant might not want to worry about having high chairs or booster seats, or may have a certain ambiance they wish to maintain which would be diminished by a screaming or overly-energetic child. I don’t think the majority of childfree people actually want all spaces to be childfree. They just want the option to exist. Children can be so draining, especially for some of us prone to sensory overload.
Great piece! I basically agree with everything you wrote. I find the treatment of having children as a choice akin to choosing to go on another vacation to Europe as distasteful. It's certainly inaccurate in the sense that having children cannot be valued on the same scale ad material choices. It's not even in the same universe.
I also think that there will never be a moment in which women and men do the same amount of childcare, even if the current cultural trend of highly involved dads continues. Women and men are not the same and value and prioritize different things. Women naturally gravitate towards being more involved with their kids, which really underscores your point regarding anti-kid stuff really being anti-mom stuff.
Children and the elderly belong in society! Here in the states for whatever reason we’ve normalized keeping those demographics on the margins of society while centering adults. While I do think some spaces are rightfully adults only (night clubs, bachelorette trips) it’s so important for young ones to be out and about in the world. I hope to be a mother one day, but until then I’m a believer that there is space on the airplanes for both the senior citizen who may need assistance and the toddler running up and down the aisle.
So a couple of things kind of leap out at me. First - lower childbirth rates are only an issue if we are against immigration, no? We have so many people who would happily integrate into societies with lower birth rates, if only we stopped treating them like they have cooties.
Second, what is really making society child-hating isn’t people not being excited spending their brunch listening to my kid screaming. It’s more likely the fact that both me and my husband absolutely have to work full time if we want any sort of standard of living, that childcare is so expensive as to often eat up a massive portion of that second salary, making it almost meaningless - I pay people to take care of my kid so I can work and I work in order to fork over that money… it makes no sense… don’t get me started on maternity leave, healthcare, childbirth costs etc etc. The school system is deeply fucked, and if you have a kid that needs any support (ask me how I know) you’re in for decades of struggle and frustration.
Also the fact that we all feel like the idiots running our countries are actively trying to trigger a world-ending event isn’t exactly inspiring for parenthood. I don’t want to nurture him for decades just to have him die of thirst when Nestle finally privatizes all water or go die in some pointless war started over military industrial complex profits.
Third, it is totally fine to love kids and yet accept that not every place is for them. It is totally fine to accept that as a parent you will pivot towards other parents as friends and that your activities will change for a while. My two best friends right now are moms of my kid’s friends. The kids eventually actually grew apart but we moms stayed friends. We connect over the same issues that someone childfree wouldn’t click with (like how terrible it is that schools are cutting down on the number of support staff. Try getting a childfree person to emote to that).
When I was a kid my parents dragged me to plenty of bars and taverns and nobody complained because I just sat there like a mushroom - we were parented very differently. In many ways that ‘children should be seen and not heard’ type parenting was very shit, but one thing it did provide is public acceptance of kids in any space, BECAUSE WE WEREN’T A DISRUPTION. I think we underestimate how annoying our kids are because we are used to it, but it’s not like people in the old days just loved watching little Jimothy singing at the top of his voice while running around the restaurant and touching each guest with his ketchup-dipped French fry. Kids were accepted because they were raised in fear of ‘misbehaving’.
Now while I totally understand the concept of letting kids be kids, I can also perfectly see how kids being kids is sometimes bloody grating on the nerves. I will put up with it because it’s my kid and I know his lovely sides too and I don’t mind sitting through his frustrating behaviors and gently guiding until he figures it out. But I totally understand why others don’t want to join that ride. Airplanes are of course for everyone, but there are definitely restaurants where kids fit in and those where they don’t. That’s not a social crime.
Imagine though arguing that any other demographic of people doesn't belong in particular spaces because they are "annoying". Does this apply to a person who is intellectually disabled, or suffers with tourette syndrome, or any number of conditions that make it harder for them to self-regulate in ways not totally dissimilar to the struggle children have with self-regulation? And who gets to decide when and where they can come and go? I'm not saying there aren't responsible and less responsible places to bring your children. Clearly. I'm not bringing my child to a movie theater because I know she cannot be quiet there. There's a balance. But the idea that they should be shunted away because they are "annoying" is dehumanizing, imo.
I am a dink who has never wanted kids. I also don’t want to live in a Children of Men movie type situation! And I’m a feminist who understands that anti baby = anti women as you so rightly state. So I do my best to contribute to a society where kids and parents feel welcome and comfortable. It is good for everyone to have kids in most situations! It keeps you young and helps the children integrate into society. It’s also good for moms to have some time away from the kids every once in a while, whether a girls night or long weekend.
Women are told they can't have it all - theycan and have all the choice in the world, but there is a distinct bias towards rewarding childlessnes, which is a suicide for any culture. We absolutely should support the opportunities for mothers and mothers to be, and the freedom to choose should be supported not only with words, but with a social atmosphere that allows mothers to feel valued amd respected.
Men have a role to play in that too, where there should be more of a conscious effort to support a family-friendly structure in society, and to actively build environments where their families can congregate - isn't that a man's job to begin with, to build things for his family?
Overall, we are due for a correction of attitudes and social spaces, where they start to align more properly with women's emotional and biological needs, and where family unit as a whole is celebrated.
Great point about dads. Made me think about all the jokes about dads having no friends. If dads don't have friends then there is also less community for mom and kids or adds to mom's burden because she has to build the community too
god, it's so annoying to read a piece that actively confues being childfree with being anti-children. It's not the first time I see this happening, and no, it's not bringing childfree-people closer to parents.
I came in the comments exactly for this. It's such a weird and uninformed take on the many reasons why people would want to be child free. I kept reading thinking the author would eventually add some nuance to it but it never came. Honestly, this article seems to me like some pro-child propaganda because of this lack of nuance, and we definitely don't need that kind of crap in an age where conservative and heteronormative family models threaten the rights and lives of so many people.
As someone who is child free by choice and a DINK I find it really odd that asking for a child free space is somehow anti child. Not 10 years ago having a toddler in a bar or brewery was unheard of and now they are full of playgrounds and 5 year olds birthday parties. I find that quite the opposite is happening. All of the spaces that were once occupied by adults are dying to cater to parents Instead. It feels like parents are forgetting how to be adults without their children. The parents of today are not our parents who left us at home every Friday with the neighbor and 5 other kids. I very much believe if people want to have kids they should but that doesn't mean I want them next to me at brunch watching an iPad video at full volume.
This is it. And there are a bajillion OTHER public places that are 100% tailored to kids, from parks and playgrounds to zoos and aquariums and planetariums and zipline parks and splash pads and public pools and trampoline parks and skate parks and junior sports clubs and amusement parks and pottery painting studios and cookie decorating studios and fast food restaurants and laser tag places and virtual reality places and arcades and climbing gyms and like jesus christ don’t tell me you have nowhere to go with your kid.
As a childfree person, i can say that i made the decision not to have children mainly due to the fact that living in the US makes it increasingly difficult to earn enough for people to take care of children. I haven’t found a suitable partner, my employment hasn’t always been steady, and i have no expendable income so having a child would have been an irresponsible choice for me, regardless of whether or not i “wanted” children. Honestly at this point having children is a privelege for some, and a lifetime of struggle for others who simply do not make enough money to survive. We need real societal change here in the US before people will choose to have children more easily, universal healthcare, afffordable childcare, free higher education would be some that would greatly increase the likelihood of people choosing to have children. Forcing them to have children (as the magats seem to want to happen) will only increase poverty rates for families and single mothers, and increase the maternal death rate. A DINKS lifestyle may seem frivilous to some, but still may not be enough to afford care for a child.
Yep. We've seen how money incentives don't get families to start having children again in places like east Asia. When money doesn't work, it's because there are other forces pushing against you, and I think you've identified some of them well.
In some ways, this was all inevitable. As people have more options for solo entertainment, the value of other people, including family, declines. A society getting richer will always face this pressure. But there is a weird anti-fun aspect to it all. Kids are fun! Noisy and chaotic, but fun. And I feel like we don't believe in fun any more.
I live in China, where we definitely don't believe in fun. Parents here are horrified by children running around. And as a result, the end of the one-child policy has made no difference, and families are at most having one child. (We still have intense family pressure to reproduce, so most couples do have that one kid - but only one.)
If we want people to have kids again, we'll have to encourage people to have fun again. But that seems... hard to imagine at this moment.
Yes love this perspective, thank you for sharing. I think that declines in the number of children has made our lives less fun! We all have less whimsy and play less when children aren't a part of our daily lives
This article continues to perpetuate unnecessary division in society. We are free to choose to have children. That’s it. We don’t need to incentivize people to have children. We can use the same plan we’re currently using for global warming, we will adapt to change in the environment. People will need to migrate to different areas.
This article is conflating anti-child attitudes with the correct assessment that most parents of young children are “in hell” without even bothering with the distinction. Spoken as a parent.
Was not my intention to dismiss parents who are struggling at all. My point was more that the childfree culture empowered a singer with a large platform to broadcast the struggles of her friends, struggles that were likely shared with her in confidence. These perspectives are important, but should be shared by parents not by their so-called friends who use it as a way to compare how great their childfree lives are
Massively agree. And the hell comes in great part from how our society is structured. When my kid was a baby/toddler I did not need more supportive friends or kinder strangers at brunch bistros. I needed structures to provide me with paid maternity leave, affordable childcare, affordable and accessible healthcare, etc etc.
I’m a mom of two (one on the outside, one on the inside 😊), and so blessed by my “village.” Most of my people are either “family family” or church family. I don’t really have people in my life who don’t value children. If anything, most of them are a little disappointed when I show up without my external baby! 😂
Thanks for saying this! As I was reading this piece, I kept thinking why would you ever want your kids to be around people who don't absolutely love them?
If I had kids, I would never want them to get a whiff of not feeling wanted and loved by every person in their presence. Why bring kids places they're not wanted?
It's the parents responsibility to find their village before they choose to reproduce. I love the idea of each child having multiple godparents - people who made an agreement to help raise them before they were even conceived.
What I see in Italy is a lot of older parents, people pushing to have babies 40-45, they are exhausted and maybe have one. Waiting until you are older means a lot less energy and if your friend group is the same age either their children are fully grown or childfree. Also you start having the pressure of elder care as you get older and your own health issues. I'm personally glad I didn't have children but it wasn't for career or holidays or whatever people with children say about it. It just wasn't for me and I knew that when I was like a teenager. I helped raise my niece, I have god children. Kids are great, just not for me.
Great piece! As a former DINK-turned-mother, I can say one of the most baffling things to DINKs is the idea that a parent actively WANTS to spend time with their kids. And I understand why. All they see is the stress and the constraints. They assume their life is the pinnacle of human existence and children “rob” that from their parents. But they do not know that indescribable and soul-shaking bond with the miracle of life that somehow grew inside you (or your partner). When I was a DINK I used to scoff at the idea that my parent-friends didn’t want to leave their kids behind for vacation or chose to skip the same old happy hour to snuggle with the kids after work before their bedtime. Now, my childless friends also roll their eyes at me when I say, sorry, I cannot go on a 10-day trip without my kids. But they don’t know the awe of seeing chubby little hands grasp your finger at dusk or the feeling when those disproportionately large eyeballs look deep into yours. I can always go back to boozy brunches once they get older. But those moments are precious.
This is exactly right. You have kids and suddenly the old stuff just isn't nearly as interesting. Frankly, most of the people aren't either.
This comment made me tear up.
I love kids, I work with them and I plan to hopefully have some. While I’ve been happy to make the switch to see my friends at child-friendly venues like parks and playgrounds, I also don’t think I’m obliged to make everything I do child-friendly. I don’t think a ‘boozy brunch’ is usually an appropriate venue for kids (at least not the brunches I’m thinking of).
As long as you’re polite and you make the effort to be the village at other times, I think it’s understandable. It can also be lonely on the other side as well, when your friends with kids are meeting up/bonding and you can’t access that.
Thank you for stating this distinction. I also think the author assumes the social isolation and stigma doesn’t go both ways, which it does. Many women in circles where all their friends are becoming parents find themselves very isolated if they choose to stay childfree, or want to have fun at an event which isn’t appropriate for children. I’ve also seen stories of childfree people being part of that village when their parent-friends needed help, but never getting the same assistance or concern from parents they’ve helped.
I appreciate you both engaging thoughtfully with what I wrote. I'm currently the only childless woman in my friend group so I would never want to make the case that it isn't isolating on the other side - that would be dismissing my own experience.
I also don't think every place should be childfree. I've had my share of boozy brunches where kids shouldn't be, but my point is that deciding where kids should be is a parental decision. I thought I put that in the piece but must have edited it out. Thank you for making the distinction
I don’t think it should always be a parental decision. I think children should be welcome in public spaces and on transportation but private establishments or events should be free to place age restrictions as they want. Not all parents are responsible, and unfortunately it’s the irresponsible ones who necessitate child-free spaces in the first place. I can be denied entry into a bar if I forget my ID even if I don’t have any intention of drinking. I’m well over 21 and it’s not illegal to be inside, but the bar has the right to not want to card everyone when they order so they do it at the door. Likewise, a restaurant might not want to worry about having high chairs or booster seats, or may have a certain ambiance they wish to maintain which would be diminished by a screaming or overly-energetic child. I don’t think the majority of childfree people actually want all spaces to be childfree. They just want the option to exist. Children can be so draining, especially for some of us prone to sensory overload.
Great piece! I basically agree with everything you wrote. I find the treatment of having children as a choice akin to choosing to go on another vacation to Europe as distasteful. It's certainly inaccurate in the sense that having children cannot be valued on the same scale ad material choices. It's not even in the same universe.
I also think that there will never be a moment in which women and men do the same amount of childcare, even if the current cultural trend of highly involved dads continues. Women and men are not the same and value and prioritize different things. Women naturally gravitate towards being more involved with their kids, which really underscores your point regarding anti-kid stuff really being anti-mom stuff.
Yes a great point. There is so much data that shows that mothers want to be more involved with their children and our culture should make that easy!
Children and the elderly belong in society! Here in the states for whatever reason we’ve normalized keeping those demographics on the margins of society while centering adults. While I do think some spaces are rightfully adults only (night clubs, bachelorette trips) it’s so important for young ones to be out and about in the world. I hope to be a mother one day, but until then I’m a believer that there is space on the airplanes for both the senior citizen who may need assistance and the toddler running up and down the aisle.
So a couple of things kind of leap out at me. First - lower childbirth rates are only an issue if we are against immigration, no? We have so many people who would happily integrate into societies with lower birth rates, if only we stopped treating them like they have cooties.
Second, what is really making society child-hating isn’t people not being excited spending their brunch listening to my kid screaming. It’s more likely the fact that both me and my husband absolutely have to work full time if we want any sort of standard of living, that childcare is so expensive as to often eat up a massive portion of that second salary, making it almost meaningless - I pay people to take care of my kid so I can work and I work in order to fork over that money… it makes no sense… don’t get me started on maternity leave, healthcare, childbirth costs etc etc. The school system is deeply fucked, and if you have a kid that needs any support (ask me how I know) you’re in for decades of struggle and frustration.
Also the fact that we all feel like the idiots running our countries are actively trying to trigger a world-ending event isn’t exactly inspiring for parenthood. I don’t want to nurture him for decades just to have him die of thirst when Nestle finally privatizes all water or go die in some pointless war started over military industrial complex profits.
Third, it is totally fine to love kids and yet accept that not every place is for them. It is totally fine to accept that as a parent you will pivot towards other parents as friends and that your activities will change for a while. My two best friends right now are moms of my kid’s friends. The kids eventually actually grew apart but we moms stayed friends. We connect over the same issues that someone childfree wouldn’t click with (like how terrible it is that schools are cutting down on the number of support staff. Try getting a childfree person to emote to that).
When I was a kid my parents dragged me to plenty of bars and taverns and nobody complained because I just sat there like a mushroom - we were parented very differently. In many ways that ‘children should be seen and not heard’ type parenting was very shit, but one thing it did provide is public acceptance of kids in any space, BECAUSE WE WEREN’T A DISRUPTION. I think we underestimate how annoying our kids are because we are used to it, but it’s not like people in the old days just loved watching little Jimothy singing at the top of his voice while running around the restaurant and touching each guest with his ketchup-dipped French fry. Kids were accepted because they were raised in fear of ‘misbehaving’.
Now while I totally understand the concept of letting kids be kids, I can also perfectly see how kids being kids is sometimes bloody grating on the nerves. I will put up with it because it’s my kid and I know his lovely sides too and I don’t mind sitting through his frustrating behaviors and gently guiding until he figures it out. But I totally understand why others don’t want to join that ride. Airplanes are of course for everyone, but there are definitely restaurants where kids fit in and those where they don’t. That’s not a social crime.
Imagine though arguing that any other demographic of people doesn't belong in particular spaces because they are "annoying". Does this apply to a person who is intellectually disabled, or suffers with tourette syndrome, or any number of conditions that make it harder for them to self-regulate in ways not totally dissimilar to the struggle children have with self-regulation? And who gets to decide when and where they can come and go? I'm not saying there aren't responsible and less responsible places to bring your children. Clearly. I'm not bringing my child to a movie theater because I know she cannot be quiet there. There's a balance. But the idea that they should be shunted away because they are "annoying" is dehumanizing, imo.
I am a dink who has never wanted kids. I also don’t want to live in a Children of Men movie type situation! And I’m a feminist who understands that anti baby = anti women as you so rightly state. So I do my best to contribute to a society where kids and parents feel welcome and comfortable. It is good for everyone to have kids in most situations! It keeps you young and helps the children integrate into society. It’s also good for moms to have some time away from the kids every once in a while, whether a girls night or long weekend.
Women are told they can't have it all - theycan and have all the choice in the world, but there is a distinct bias towards rewarding childlessnes, which is a suicide for any culture. We absolutely should support the opportunities for mothers and mothers to be, and the freedom to choose should be supported not only with words, but with a social atmosphere that allows mothers to feel valued amd respected.
Men have a role to play in that too, where there should be more of a conscious effort to support a family-friendly structure in society, and to actively build environments where their families can congregate - isn't that a man's job to begin with, to build things for his family?
Overall, we are due for a correction of attitudes and social spaces, where they start to align more properly with women's emotional and biological needs, and where family unit as a whole is celebrated.
Great point about dads. Made me think about all the jokes about dads having no friends. If dads don't have friends then there is also less community for mom and kids or adds to mom's burden because she has to build the community too
god, it's so annoying to read a piece that actively confues being childfree with being anti-children. It's not the first time I see this happening, and no, it's not bringing childfree-people closer to parents.
I came in the comments exactly for this. It's such a weird and uninformed take on the many reasons why people would want to be child free. I kept reading thinking the author would eventually add some nuance to it but it never came. Honestly, this article seems to me like some pro-child propaganda because of this lack of nuance, and we definitely don't need that kind of crap in an age where conservative and heteronormative family models threaten the rights and lives of so many people.
Thank you, nothing more to add.
As someone who is child free by choice and a DINK I find it really odd that asking for a child free space is somehow anti child. Not 10 years ago having a toddler in a bar or brewery was unheard of and now they are full of playgrounds and 5 year olds birthday parties. I find that quite the opposite is happening. All of the spaces that were once occupied by adults are dying to cater to parents Instead. It feels like parents are forgetting how to be adults without their children. The parents of today are not our parents who left us at home every Friday with the neighbor and 5 other kids. I very much believe if people want to have kids they should but that doesn't mean I want them next to me at brunch watching an iPad video at full volume.
This is it. And there are a bajillion OTHER public places that are 100% tailored to kids, from parks and playgrounds to zoos and aquariums and planetariums and zipline parks and splash pads and public pools and trampoline parks and skate parks and junior sports clubs and amusement parks and pottery painting studios and cookie decorating studios and fast food restaurants and laser tag places and virtual reality places and arcades and climbing gyms and like jesus christ don’t tell me you have nowhere to go with your kid.
As a childfree person, i can say that i made the decision not to have children mainly due to the fact that living in the US makes it increasingly difficult to earn enough for people to take care of children. I haven’t found a suitable partner, my employment hasn’t always been steady, and i have no expendable income so having a child would have been an irresponsible choice for me, regardless of whether or not i “wanted” children. Honestly at this point having children is a privelege for some, and a lifetime of struggle for others who simply do not make enough money to survive. We need real societal change here in the US before people will choose to have children more easily, universal healthcare, afffordable childcare, free higher education would be some that would greatly increase the likelihood of people choosing to have children. Forcing them to have children (as the magats seem to want to happen) will only increase poverty rates for families and single mothers, and increase the maternal death rate. A DINKS lifestyle may seem frivilous to some, but still may not be enough to afford care for a child.
Yep. We've seen how money incentives don't get families to start having children again in places like east Asia. When money doesn't work, it's because there are other forces pushing against you, and I think you've identified some of them well.
In some ways, this was all inevitable. As people have more options for solo entertainment, the value of other people, including family, declines. A society getting richer will always face this pressure. But there is a weird anti-fun aspect to it all. Kids are fun! Noisy and chaotic, but fun. And I feel like we don't believe in fun any more.
I live in China, where we definitely don't believe in fun. Parents here are horrified by children running around. And as a result, the end of the one-child policy has made no difference, and families are at most having one child. (We still have intense family pressure to reproduce, so most couples do have that one kid - but only one.)
If we want people to have kids again, we'll have to encourage people to have fun again. But that seems... hard to imagine at this moment.
Yes love this perspective, thank you for sharing. I think that declines in the number of children has made our lives less fun! We all have less whimsy and play less when children aren't a part of our daily lives
This article continues to perpetuate unnecessary division in society. We are free to choose to have children. That’s it. We don’t need to incentivize people to have children. We can use the same plan we’re currently using for global warming, we will adapt to change in the environment. People will need to migrate to different areas.
This article is conflating anti-child attitudes with the correct assessment that most parents of young children are “in hell” without even bothering with the distinction. Spoken as a parent.
Was not my intention to dismiss parents who are struggling at all. My point was more that the childfree culture empowered a singer with a large platform to broadcast the struggles of her friends, struggles that were likely shared with her in confidence. These perspectives are important, but should be shared by parents not by their so-called friends who use it as a way to compare how great their childfree lives are
Massively agree. And the hell comes in great part from how our society is structured. When my kid was a baby/toddler I did not need more supportive friends or kinder strangers at brunch bistros. I needed structures to provide me with paid maternity leave, affordable childcare, affordable and accessible healthcare, etc etc.
DINK culture is capitalism culture
I’m a mom of two (one on the outside, one on the inside 😊), and so blessed by my “village.” Most of my people are either “family family” or church family. I don’t really have people in my life who don’t value children. If anything, most of them are a little disappointed when I show up without my external baby! 😂
Thanks for saying this! As I was reading this piece, I kept thinking why would you ever want your kids to be around people who don't absolutely love them?
If I had kids, I would never want them to get a whiff of not feeling wanted and loved by every person in their presence. Why bring kids places they're not wanted?
It's the parents responsibility to find their village before they choose to reproduce. I love the idea of each child having multiple godparents - people who made an agreement to help raise them before they were even conceived.
What I see in Italy is a lot of older parents, people pushing to have babies 40-45, they are exhausted and maybe have one. Waiting until you are older means a lot less energy and if your friend group is the same age either their children are fully grown or childfree. Also you start having the pressure of elder care as you get older and your own health issues. I'm personally glad I didn't have children but it wasn't for career or holidays or whatever people with children say about it. It just wasn't for me and I knew that when I was like a teenager. I helped raise my niece, I have god children. Kids are great, just not for me.